


What Was

by BurningSwan



Series: What We Cannot Have [1]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Eating Disorders, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Insomnia, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 14:57:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12344964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningSwan/pseuds/BurningSwan
Summary: Prequel to Everything That I Cannot Be———Focuses on the changes mentioned in Everything That I Cannot Be and Namie and Shinra’s involvement.





	What Was

**Author's Note:**

> The prequel no one asked for! More Shizuona and no Shizaya. Woo! Anyways, hope you enjoy.
> 
> ~BurningSwan

At first, it was subtle.

A little less rage, a little less enthusiasm.

It was the glimpses of someone clinging to his arm and him smiling down at her.

It was the changes in the general perception of him.

Suddenly, he wasn't so bad. Wasn't so dangerous.

And with it, Izaya wasn't so important.

He was being replaced. But not as an enemy, simply as the most important person.

Now it was Vorona.

It became more obvious the more Shizuo ignored him.

He must be trying to change for Vorona.

Oh.

So he would change for someone else...

But not for Izaya.

But Izaya couldn't change himself, couldn't change his relationship with Shizuo.

But Vorona had been able to.

She must be that much stronger, that much better.

And that must be why Shizuo picked her over anyone else. Over Izaya.

He didn't remember when he started drinking. He thinks it just sort of happened.

Namie never said anything, only ever glanced at him with that bored look always plastered to her face, making her thoughts unreadable. 

He doesn't remember when he stopped eating. He had always been someone who didn't eat much anyways.

Namie still doesn't say anything, watches him fall deeper into darkness, into despair.

He thinks she doesn't care, though he'd be wrong.

———

"There's something wrong with Izaya." Namie says, holding the phone a little tighter than necessary.

"Like what?" Shinra sounds only vaguely concerned.

"Something has changed with Shizuo, right?" Namie changes her approach subtly.

"Oh. You mean, how he's dating someone?"

"And I think he has been ignoring Izaya."

"Is he...?"

"He's all sorts of messed up right now, and I think it will only get worse."

"Can you do anything about it?"

"I can keep an eye on him, observe his behavior, look for any radical changes...But I can't guarantee his safety."

"Hmm. If it gets worse, we will probably have to get him involved." Shinra sighed.

"I should hope it never gets to that point, however, I think it's best if I assume the worst." 

"I see. You're probably right...Please keep watch over Orihara-kun then, Namie."

"Fine, goodbye."

"Bye."

Namie drops her arm down to her side, steps into the living room to check on Izaya.

He's fast asleep, curled in a ball with a bottle of alcohol clutched in one hand.

She sneaks over and frees the bottle from his hand. 

"What are you doing, Izaya?" She sighs, glancing down to take a closer look at his face.

There's bags darkening under his eyes, his skin is pale and gaunt against his face, and his brow is furrowed even in his sleep.

———

Shizuo kind of notices something change. Thinks that he hasn't seen the flea so much, though it's probably a good thing.

He still thinks a little something is off. The flea is probably plotting something, somewhere. Cause that's what he does.

Vorona pokes his cheek.

"Shizuo, you're awfully distracted." She pouts.

"Sorry, there's a lot on my mind." He apologizes sheepishly. 

Vorona shrugs helplessly and drags him towards the movie theater.

"Try not to be so distracted, did you forget your brother is in this movie?"

"Eh? We're watching one of Kasuka's...?" He trails off as Vorona tugs him inside, ordering them some snacks. 

"Here." She hands Shizuo some of them.

He takes them and blinks.

"Why did you get so many...?"

"Don't ask stupid questions."

———

Namie calls every few days to let Shinra know how Izaya is doing.

The news is never pleasant and Shinra paces across the room.

[What's the matter, Shinra?] Celty types.

Shinra shakes his head.

"It's Izaya. I'm worried about him."

[What about Izaya? What's wrong?]

Shinra sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"He's hurting himself."

[Eh? Eh? Why?]

"I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but I'll make an exception for you, my beloved. He loves Shizuo."

[Heh? What??? Really? But they are enemies and Shizuo is dating Vorona...]

"Exactly the problem...Izaya doesn't want to be enemies with Shizuo, but Shizuo doesn't know and nothing will change."

[Then what can we do?]

"For now, wait. The best I can do is probably drop hints to Shizuo that there is something wrong. He probably hasn't noticed anything."

———

Namie knows there's not much time left. Not much longer until Izaya can't take anymore.

She knows from observing him for so long.

Wouldn't it be better if things changed?

Wouldn't it be better if Izaya went back to being normal?

She weighs whether an annoying Izaya or depressed Izaya is worse.

Honestly, she doesn't really like either.

But what if there's another option? 

A smile creeps across her face.

Yes, that was something she hadn't considered before.

———

She told Shinra her idea, and her plan.

He agreed to help her, since they didn't have many other options and most were nowhere near as appealing.

Namie was excited, eager to see how things played out. She had to curb her excitement around Izaya, though, but it was no big deal.

If things worked out, then she wouldn't have to for too long.

"Are you sure about this, though?" Shinra pressed.

"With a little pressure, sure. If I'm not wrong, Shizuo may be the perfect candidate."

"I don't know...I don't think things can change that easily..."

"Who said it would be easy? I do feel bad for the collateral damage but..."

"She has a name, you know."

"Who cares? She's not important." Namie said dismissively. 

"Really, you have a terrible personality."

"Look who's talking, doctor." Namie shot back snidely. 

"I just hope this works..."

———

[Shizuo.]

"Celty? What's up?" 

[Have you seen Izaya recently?]

"The flea? No, why?"

[Don't you think something is strange?]

"What do you mean?" Shizuo frowned.

[Nothing. Never mind. How's Vorona?]

"Hmm? She's fine."

[That's it?]

"What?"

[No, nothing. I'm glad to hear that you have finally found someone though. It will be nice if you can settle down.]

"Yeah, it's nice."

Celty observed Shizuo closely. Something felt off. She couldn't place it though. She got atop Shooter.

[Bye, Shizuo.]

"Bye, Celty."

She drove off, glancing back at Shizuo, startling at his spaced out expression as he smoked a cigarette.

Was he really happy?


End file.
